


This Conversation Never Happened

by green78



Series: Imagine Your OTP: Red Beauty [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Red Beauty - Freeform, Swan Queen - Freeform, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 22:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green78/pseuds/green78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fluffy ficlet written for the prompt "Imagine your OTP holding a contest against each other to see who can come up with the cheesiest pickup line."</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Conversation Never Happened

“Did it hurt?”

“Did what hurt?”

“When you fell from heaven.”

“Ugh, Ruby, that one's so _old_!”

Every so often, when Belle was relaxing at the diner instead of running around trying to keep the library in order, she and Ruby would come up with random little games to play during Ruby's break. Today they were on opposite sides of the bar trying to see who could come up with the cheesiest, most cliché, most _revolting_ pick-up line while a very amused Emma played judge from where she sat next to Belle. “And how would _you_ know it's old?” Ruby was asking, hands on her hips.

“ _Honestly_ , just because I haven't heard it used before doesn't mean I haven't read it everywhere. Really, so many modern authors need to work on their originality. Speaking of heaven, though...” She smirked. “Are you religious? 'Cause you're the answer to all my prayers.”

Emma and Ruby both groaned. “I dunno, that one's pretty bad,” Emma said, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

“What's the score?” Ruby asked.

“Score? I thought I was just picking the winner.”

The couple rolled their eyes at their friend before meeting gazes again to continue the verbal duel. “Are you related to a light switch?” Ruby asked. “'Cause you _really_ turn me on.”

“I'd invite you over, but you're so hot I'm afraid you'd run up my air-conditioning bill.”

“You girls want some wine with that cheese?” Granny asked as she passed carrying a stack of plates.

“I do,” Emma said, raising her hand. She looked like she was in genuine physical pain.

“Have you got a Band-Aid? I scraped my knees falling for you.”

“Have _you_ got a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.”

“Oh, God, guys, _stop_ ,” Emma pleaded, doubled over with her arms wrapped around her stomach. “I can't take it any more. I just can't.”

“Aw, but we've barely gotten started!” Ruby protested, and Belle nodded her agreement with a playful pout.

“I don't _care_. E- _nough_. You _both_ win.”

“You're so beautiful, you made me forget my pick-up line.”

Ruby's, Belle's, and Emma's jaws all fell open as they turned to look at Regina, who had come up behind Emma and was leaning against the counter completely straight-faced. Even Granny stopped and stared, shocked.

After a moment, Ruby poured Regina her usual cup of coffee and handed it to her. “You win. On the house.”

The once-queen gave the wolf-woman a genuine smile as she accepted. “Thank you, dear.” She turned to her girlfriend, who was still gaping at her. “What, no rebuttal, Sheriff?”

Emma stared at her for a second more before letting her forehead drop to the counter. “I'd say you could have _me_ on the house, but you own me, anyway.”

Regina's smile became a leer. “That I do, dear. That I definitely do.”

“Careful, or you'll run up _our_ air-conditioning bill,” Ruby teased.

“Sayeth the pot to the kettle,” Granny remarked as she passed again.

Ruby frowned, turning to her. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“You think I don't know what you and Belle get up to in the back room after closing?” the old woman called over her shoulder. “And your break was over five minutes ago; back to work with you.”

Ruby groaned and Belle turned the colour of her girlfriend's name, both burying their heads in their hands as Emma and Regina burst out laughing. “This conversation _never_ happened,” the wolf-woman muttered as she went to pour coffee for another customer.

“But I just thought of a really good one!” Emma said with a positively wicked grin, turning to Regina. “I will always fi--”

“If you finish that sentence I will deprive you for a week,” Regina cut her off, and the look of horror on Emma's face and the speed with which she shut up left no doubt as to what the Mayor meant by “deprive.”

“This conversation _never happened_ ,” Emma agreed, though Ruby and Belle were now the ones cracking up.

“Aw, c'mon, Em, that was _funny_!” Ruby protested.

“Yeah, well, _you_ weren't the one being threatened with chastity!” her friend shot back.

“Hey ladies, I've got a good one for you.”

The four women turned to see Leroy, already tipsy at four in the afternoon, giving them what he thought was a charming smile. After a shared look of suspicion between the couples, Emma ventured, “Ok, let's hear it.”

Leroy puffed himself up and attempted his most dashing smile (which wasn't very). “Are you girls Irish? 'Cause my dick is doublin'.”

Emma, Ruby, Regina, and Belle stared at each other, then at Leroy, then back at each other, not even sure what to think, let alone say.

“By order of the Mayor...” Regina began.

“...this conversation never happened.” Belle finished.


End file.
